Editor's Letter
There is a gift to every wound
Even if we need to borrow a hat of wisdom from someone else to find it.
Life can get difficult sometimes when challenges are driven by fear and especially the fear of being vulnerable. Sometimes when we get sick or are injured, we may find that we are no longer strong and resilient, but vulnerable and dependent. In severe cases, relationships can suffer as we may lash out while projecting inner pain outwards — especially if there is unresolved trauma.
Last night, I spoke with a dear friend and expert on our panel, Arjan Bogaers, about abusive relationships. To remain a victim of abuse is a disempowered state. Perhaps we need to look within and see what it is in us that has allowed the abuse and trauma to happen.
Of course, nothing happens to us but for us and through us. Yet in our dark moments we forget, we feel the pain intensify and wonder why we attract and allow it.
Arjan's approach is to look at healing open-mindedly: ‘Looking back, one can ask: why did I allow this? But abuse is not something we allow. You can only allow something if you are consciously aware of what is happening and then choose not to stop it. Subconsciously, however, we allow harmful behaviours, partly because we hope that the situation can improve. In this, we give people we care for the benefit of the doubt. Don't add to the trauma by judging yourself or taking on a guilt that is not yours. Abuse is not about you, it is about the other person.
What strength, what resilience is required to endure long-term adverse events and live through them? Abuse, for example. But also chronic pain, illness, indeed all losses and wounding. Use that as your inner resource to face your trauma. Focus on your strengths first. In the end, we are shaped by the things that present the greatest resistance in our lives. After all, the shadows in your life are not there to create darkness in the first place, but to enable you to find your light behind them.'
Traumatic experiences vs trauma
Let's talk about traumatic experiences vs trauma for a moment. Trauma is not what happens to you (physical or sexual abuse, loss, divorce and so on). The trauma is what happens inside of you. Dr. Gabor Maté says: ‘During a traumatic experience, you get disconnected from your emotions. You get disconnected from your body. You find it difficult to be in the present moment. You have a negative view of the world and a negative view of yourself and a defensive view of other people. And these perspectives keep showing up in your life in the present. The issue is not to recognise what happened many years ago, but to recognise their manifestations in the present moment and transcend them by reconnecting with yourself. By restoring the connection with your body, primarily and with your emotions that you lost — when you find these things again, you have recovery. What does it mean to recover something? It means to find it again. What is it that people find when they recover it? They find themselves.'
There is indeed a gift to every wound. A recovery of all that appear lost. The responsibility for preserving your health is yours.
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Yours in Healthy Living
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